I'm kinda going through an emotional slump right now. I had been seeing someone long distance and on New Year's Day, he told me that he can't do long distance anymore. Which I totally understand. Long distance is hard and especially, the emotional place that we're at. It's hard to develop a serious relationship when you only see each other once a month, if that. I think the fact that we talked to each other almost every day masked the fact that at the end of the day, we're still missing out on each other's lives and what could be out there that's closer to us geographically.
The distance didn't bother me so much, as my last serious relationship was also long distance. But I knew it was the beginning of the end when he decided to buy a place at his end of the world. Up to that point, he had been trying to move back to the Midwest, but had been unable to find a job.
And, surprisingly, I cried a little bit when he told me he couldn't do long distance anymore. I didn't think I was that emotionally attached, but I know I had a lot of fun with him and he made me feel special and pretty.
So, coincidentally in the same time frame, I saw this guy over the holidays who I've only met once before. And for whatever reason, the first time I met him, I had this maddening crush on him. He seemed interested, but once again, we don't live in the same area and would've been long distance. He's not attached to the area he lives in, as I am not attached to the area I live in. I would've gone for it, considering he only lives 5 hours away by car. Nothing really happened with him though, as he was kind of in a "just having fun" mode.
Recently though, he had asked friends if they could set him up with someone. I found out my good friend had set him up with one of her casual friends. So, he's dating her now. And I was a little heart-broken. WTF, why didn't she set him up with me? The friend that she set him up with lives 3 hours away, so it's not like this girl is that much closer than I am.
And spending time with him over the holidays just made me realize how good of a match he would've been for me. We like the same music (yes, I'm picky about this), he makes me laugh, and he's an engineer (he uses physics to explain any problem, which I love). And he loves my cooking. Now, he's going out with some skank who ended up drinking so much that she passed out and threw up all over the place. Classy.
I don't know why I'm taking this especially hard. I think it's because the girl he's seeing is...kind of lame. And I'm so offended that my friend didn't think of me to set him up with!
I'm convinced I am unable to date anyone local. I've lived here for over three years and every guy I've been with has not been local. I'm just not the type of girl the local men want, which seems to be athletically-built women who love the outdoors. That's so not me. I'm sick of people telling me how I'm going to make someone happy some day, how I'm such a great catch. If that's the case, why have I been struggling so much to find someone to date?
I'm fine with being alone, I really am. It just seems like the last few parties I've been to have ended up being couple parties, where everyone there has their spouse or their significant other there. And I'm literally the odd one out because I didn't bring a date and didn't know that I needed to.
The sad thing is that the only men who seem to be interested in me are the crazy ones. As in the ones who creep me out, who stalk me or borderline stalk me. I don't think it's too much to ask for a normal man, is it?
A part of me is coming to terms with my age. And whether I want to have children. The last couple of men who I thought I could be with for a long time have had vasectomies and knew that they didn't want anymore children, period. Which I get. But since I hadn't made up my mind about kids, I also know that being with them would mean that I would never have my own children. That I would have their children as my consolation prize. And I don't know if that would be enough.
Okay, I'm done with this pity party. Time to move on.
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