A couple of friends are visiting this weekend. They originally had plans to go to Vegas for the long weekend, but since there was a family event for one of them, they ended up here instead. Which is almost comical. But they seem to be enjoying it so far, so I won't rain on their parade.
Anyway, we met up last night for dinner, which was a great time. As we were getting ready to part ways, they asked what I was doing today. Unfortunately, I already had plans to volunteer at the kitchen. I would've loved to run around town with them, but that's okay. I think they'll have a good time exploring the city without me. Since I very rarely have opportunity to volunteer more than 2 hours at a time due to kitchen hours, and I don't work today, I thought going during the day today would work out better for the rest of my work week since I'm taking Friday off to see Anthony Bourdain in Milwaukee.
I'm also kinda looking forward to having a longer shift today. I had initially thought that I would be working with Dan, who is an amazing pastry chef. I had finally met Dan at the holiday party, and I've eaten some of the things he's baked, which is always incredible and delicious. It turns out Dan switched his shift with the guy I've been crushing on. My work husband tells me it's fate, that we're once again thrown together. This guy had asked me out before, but the timing was wrong, as he asked me out for when I would be in Korea. And because I was a total dork, I didn't give him my number or anything to follow up on and then I just act aloof whenever I've seen him after that because I got shy around him.
So now, I'm hoping that he'll ask me out again, in which case I won't be a dork about it and just say yes. When I parted ways with my friends last night, I said "If I'm lucky, I'll get a date out of today." And one of them says "If you get lucky, you might get a relationship out of it." In my head, I heard the record scratch and wanted to yell "WTF is that supposed to mean?!"
This has been the ongoing theme with my friends this month. I admit that I haven't really been emotionally ready for a serious relationship, one that I could be invested in. I know I have trust issues, and I self-sabotage. I considered going to therapy for this because although I recognize this pattern, I'm unable to stop myself until it's too late. I think to myself if the guy was worth it, my walls would come down. You can't win if you don't play. But I also feel that life is short and if I can't see long-lasting potential, why waste my time? I'm not going to settle just to be in a relationship. I want to be madly in love with the guy I end up with and he feels the same way about me. I don't think that's too much to ask for.
I think that if Dan asked you out once, there's very little risk involved if you ask him out. He may be gun shy from the last experience, so you should ask him. :)
I totally know how you feel about relationships. I also sabotage. Keep me posted!
Posted by: AmandaQ | 01/18/2010 at 07:59 PM