the optimistic realist

The Chef Update

I have not yet gone out with the Chef. The chef I normally work with was laid off and the Chef has taken over her shifts. I was pretty bummed, but this could be a good thing. At least I would see him every week instead of randomly.

Last week, we had a good time hanging out. I'm a little worried that he's whipped on me because he does everything I ask of him, even if they're somewhat lame and unreasonable. A part of me appreciates it and a part of thinks that he won't last long if he doesn't have a backbone. The only thing about last week is he didn't ask me out! And I actually didn't have any plans over the weekend except for a girls night out gathering yesterday. Granted, he usually asks me out when we're cleaning and closing up for the night, and I don't know where he was, but he was MIA when it was time for me to leave. So...maybe that's why he didn't. Of course, the paranoid part of me thinks he avoided me as I was leaving and he wasn't going to ask me out anyway.

The last time I had worked with him was 3 weeks ago. And I'm still gushing internally how cute he was that day. I had come in and he sees me. He jokes around and tells me "It's not Wednesday, why are you here?" I say back "It's not Tuesday, why are you here?" 

There was supposed to be a cake from the freezer thawing out for me by the time I got there, but there was no cake. Since the kitchen/pantry/freezer/fridge has all been rearranged recently, I don't know where anything is anymore. And since it was really cold that day, it made the freezer feel even colder, and I didn't want to go in there to rummage around looking for cake. I asked him to do it, and he claimed he didn't know where anything is anymore. I told him that at least he worked there, he would know where things are more than I would. I tell him I need a round chocolate cake.

He goes into the freezer for a few minutes and comes back. "There's no chocolate cake." I tell him,  "I was told there is chocolate cake. How can there not be any chocolate cake?" He goes back into the freezer for a few minutes and he comes back with cake in his hands. "The closest thing I could find is banana cake. Here you go." [I'm cracking up right now remembering this. How can one make a leap from chocolate cake to banana cake? There's nothing remotely similar to chocolate and banana!] 

I said, "I can't use banana, are you sure there's no chocolate cake?" At this point, he tells me I'm going to have to go inside the freezer with him because if he's going to suffer in the cold, he's not suffering alone. I said, "It's going to be cold in there and I left my mittens in the car." He grabbed a couple of oven mitts and puts them over my hands. Seriously, how cute is that?! Even the guys I tell this story to say that's unbelievable cute.

So, we rummage in the freezer together, and we find chocolate cake with my name on it, which cracks me up. Since what I was working on would be time consuming, I knew I would be there at least 3 hours. During that time, he would come by to chit chat and I felt that I got to know him a little bit better. He told me about where he grew up, what inspired him to be a chef, why he moved to the Midwest from the West Coast.

As we were wrapping things up, he asked me out for the weekend. Unfortunately, I already had plans to see Anthony Bourdain Friday night, and we were taking my mom out to dinner for her birthday Saturday night. I did follow up and say "We should definitely hang out sometime" and he agreed. And he packed me food that he made for me to take home, which was all delicious: cream of potato soup, turkey meatballs, and sweet potato enchiladas.

So, what now? Gonna see how receptive he is next time I see him. Although I have plans these next 2 weekends. I'm cursing myself ever so slightly for not making the date happen over the weekend! This has been a very anti-climactic post, I know.

Next update will be about the Prince. Coming soon...

Subconsciously, I must.

I'm doing a poor job of keeping this thing up to date, but I promise I'll get around to real updates. I've been in a state of pondering. I had an encounter with the Prince and I swear, he's still into me. Which made me also realize that I'm not over him yet. I'll explain in more detail later...

I had a dream this morning and I literally woke up and thought it was real. It pains me now to even think about it. There's this guy at work that I have a raging crush on. I call him Chuck Steak (not his real name, obvs). Anyway, in real life, I've been trying to get over my irrational fear of him. When I like someone so much, I act...very odd. I can't look them in the eye, I can't talk to them like a normal person, and I avoid them like the plague. When I first met him, we were really friendly, and then I just stopped talking to him. And then things got weird between us, and then we just ran out of excuses to talk to each other anymore.

Lately, though, he's been working on stuff that I've worked on. And we did talk here and there about work stuff, and I actually acted normal! He's also available, though I don't know if he has time to date. He's been working on a graphic novel and he's going through the first round of edits with a publisher. There are times when I think he's interested, but I also think he's...scared of me. I'm sure that's my fault because I stopped talking to him and acted weird, and I can't undo that. And because I'm too much of a coward to make the first move, this is pretty much a dead end. 

Anyway, so he's who I had a dream about this morning. In my dream, he asked me to go over the edits for his graphic novel. We ordered take-out and as far as I knew, we were just hanging out. We were both being a little awkward, but it was our first time hanging out outside of work. I was inadvertently called away, and he caught up with me later on. I apologized for not cleaning up after myself, as I thought I would be back. He said it was no big deal, he's just glad I was able to come over. I said "We should do it again sometime," (this should've been the tip-off it was a dream, I wouldn't have the guts to say this to him) and he said "Yes, I'd like another date." [Writing the dialogue now is cracking me up, because it's quite ridic.] And just like that, we sealed it with a kiss. 

I literally woke up smiling because I thought I'd be going out with him soon. And then I realized that it was just a dream. Then I realized that I must still like him. When the Prince was in my life, I didn't think about Chuck. At all. Which, before the Prince, I thought was impossible.

So. Now I'm pondering and processing. I have to work through my feelings with the Prince and Chuck. What does it all mean? Other than I'm confused. Oh, and to add to the ball of confusion, the Republican is coming to see me next month. I'm also trying to figure out how I feel about him/that.